--- title: 'Embrace the Rain: Ten Years of Lessons' slug: embrace-the-rain kind: essay published: '2018-08-24T07:00:00-04:00' revised: '2026-11-02T12:00:00-05:00' topics: - open-web - writing canonical: https://waltspence.com/notes/embrace-the-rain reading_minutes: 6 original: https://waltspence.com/notes/embrace-the-rain/original --- # Embrace the Rain: Ten Years of Lessons _Ten years of lessons, written down just before I turned 36._ > Edited 2026-10-31. Original: https://waltspence.com/notes/embrace-the-rain/original ## A bit of a preamble Lately I’ve been feeling listless and reflective. I blame the rain as much as anything, but I can trace it back a while. It started with the death of someone who shaped how I see the world, Anthony Bourdain. Not long after, we lost my uncle. There were other problems during that time and there have been since. It doesn’t keep me from getting things done, but my brain has to process things. I always take time to learn from my circumstances. Life has seasons. *I’ve learned to embrace the rain.* Writing helps me work through things, and I like sharing what I’ve learned. I’m about to turn 36, so I decided to write down some of the lessons from the last 10 years, because I don’t think I’ve grown more in any other stretch of my life. I’m not an expert, far from it. I’m a work in progress. I’m sharing these because a lot of people have given me good advice. Most of these topics could be a book on their own, but I’ve tried to respect your time. ## Yourself **Your beliefs will probably change.** One day you’ll wake up and start questioning what you thought was true, whether that’s religion, relationships, or almost anything else. Don’t despair. That’s part of growing. Your beliefs might change, or you might circle back to what you believed in the first place. I question my beliefs often. It’s the only way I stay grounded in them. **You might not find your passion, so learn to find it in what you’re doing.** You’ve heard “find your passion” so much that this probably sounds like terrible advice. I thought so too when I first heard it. With time it has proven true. I’ve watched friends end up unfulfilled following that advice. Some even became depressed, or worse. Either they couldn’t find their passion, or they found it and it couldn’t pay the bills. Find meaning in what you’re doing and go from there. Sometimes your passion is better as a hobby. **At some point you’ll look back and not recognize who you used to be.** That’s a good sign. It means you’ve grown. You should be more worried if this hasn’t happened. It’s easy to check. Ask yourself: “If I spent time with myself from five to ten years ago, could I relate to this person? Could I stand their company?” If the answer is yes, take a closer look. It could mean nothing, but it could be a sign. **You can’t grow while you’re angry or cynical.** You can’t grow emotionally if you hold a grudge. You can’t grow professionally or personally if you romanticize the past and are cynical about the present. Times change. Things aren’t better or worse, just different. Adapt. **Be patient.** If you’re impatient you’re going to struggle at everything. This is one of my own struggles. Over time I’ve learned to enjoy the process and to enjoy getting even the smallest thing done, as long as it keeps me headed towards my goals. **Take responsibility, be accountable, and give credit.** That’s what leaders do. If you’re ever in charge of people, understand that everything is your fault and that you work for them, not the other way around. If you run a business, be grateful that someone is willing to work for you. **Listen to your critical self.** Think of yourself as two people: your critical self, who knows what you should do, and your experiential self, who just wants to have a good time. People keep drinking because they think they’ll quit tomorrow. They never imagine that tomorrow they’ll be anything short of their perfect self. The trouble is we’re creatures of habit. If you live for today today, you’ll probably do it tomorrow, then most days, then all the time. **Save time. Go with your gut more often than not.** It can save you time and a lot of pain. In my experience my gut nearly always knows which way to go. When I listen, things go well. When I ignore it and use logic alone, it backfires. It’s fine to weigh the pros and cons, that’s being responsible, but try not to ignore your intuition. ## Other people **Get out of toxic relationships quickly.** It doesn’t matter if it’s business, family, or friends. They hold you back and take a toll, and often all you learn from them is that they were toxic. I’ve been there several times in business and in my personal life. It’s a hard decision at the time, but you’ll thank yourself. Just make sure you’re in a good frame of mind when you make it. **Build bridges and leave the matches at home.** That may seem to contradict the last point, but this was one of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn. Sometimes things don’t work out and you have to write someone off. But we also do this when we’re unhappy, without realizing it. We take things out on the wrong people and only hurt ourselves. If you’re not in a good frame of mind, good relationships can look toxic. So think carefully about how you approach every relationship. If you’ve burned the wrong bridge, work out where you went wrong, then reach out and try to make it right, expecting nothing. **They’re about more than you and your issues.** In a serious relationship you have to put aside some of your own issues. Not all of the time, but most of the time. All relationships, and especially romantic ones, are really about listening. **Don’t worry about how other people are doing.** No keeping up with the Joneses. You’ll do it anyway. It’s human nature. We all compare our progress with somebody else’s. That’s ok, just limit it. Be genuinely happy for your friends when they’re doing well. But it shouldn’t change how you feel about your own life. The more you worry about other people’s lives, the less time you have for your own. ## Work and purpose **What does success mean to you?** Everyone wants to be a millionaire. Few want to put in the effort to learn how, much less the hours to get there. If being a millionaire were easy, there wouldn’t be millionaires. Define what success means to you, and don’t base it on what other people think it is. **Find your passion. Don’t make it a career...necessarily.** I’m going to get some heat for this, but “If you do what you love you’ll never work a day in your life” is bad, irresponsible advice. Your first job is meeting your responsibilities. If you want your own business, work on it on your own time. Something you’re passionate about may not be a good job. It might not pay enough to live on, or you might start hating it once you do it for a living. I’ve known people who went through both. **You may find your purpose later in life.** Don’t stress over finding what you love. Sometimes it comes much later, which is why it’s important to try everything. Life will have light rain and the occasional hurricane. I hope some of this helps. Whatever happens, it’s your life.